Experiencing a bereavement can shake up our world, it can make us feel like the rug has been pulled out from under our feet. We may particularly feel this way if the death was sudden and unexpected such as by accident or suicide. We can be left reeling from shock and finding it hard to accept the death of the loved one.  If someone has died in difficult or violent circumstances we may be experiencing trauma, particularly if we were a witness to what happened.

Deaths of those significant in our lives or where we have had a close relationship at some point can bring up a mix of feelings, depending on how emotionally close our relationship was. It may be that you had a difficult or complex relationship with the person that died and find yourself feeling mixed feelings. If how you feel if is in contrast with how you think you should feel you may experience confusion and guilt. Alternatively, you may experience an absence of feeling around the death of the person. When someone dies after a painful battle with ill health, we may feel relief and can feel a sense of guilt around this.

Death brings up so many different feelings besides sadness. There is no *right* way to feel after someone has died, but it is important to recognise and understand how you feel and to have a space where you can talk it out with others.

It’s not always easy to do this; death can feel hard to talk about due to the taboo that often surrounds it. This can be particularly present if there is a stigma around the way the person died, such as by suicide. We may also feel protective of a loved one and fear talking about death may cause upset. This can leave us very isolated in our grief.

It can be helpful to speak to someone outside of the situation. Counselling can provide a space where you can explore your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement or disclosure. ‘Getting things off your chest’ can provide great relief and clarity. It’s also okay if you don’t feel able to talk. The counselling room can be a safe and confidential space for you to just be without feeling pressure or expectation.

Not all major losses in life are bereavements yet they can bring about painful endings that leave us struggling to cope and adapt. Life events such as lost friendships, divorces, job losses and health diagnosis can be very distressing and bring up challenging feelings that can be hard to talk about. Counselling once again can be a confidential safe space to talk things out and make sense of what can feel senseless.

If you think counselling could work for you please do get in touch.

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